Stopping is the part of breastfeeding nobody prepares you for. There is enormous amounts of advice about starting and almost none about finishing, and it is often done in a rush, uncomfortably, and with a great deal of unexpected emotion. It is worth doing slowly if you can, both for your breasts and for the rest of you.

Go slowly if you have the choice

The usual approach is to drop one feed every three to five days. Slower is fine. Faster risks engorgement, blocked ducts and mastitis, and gives your body no time to adjust.

  • Start with the feed your child minds least, which is usually one in the middle of the day.
  • Keep the first morning feed and the last evening feed until the end. These are usually the most emotionally important and the ones where your supply is highest.
  • Wait until things have settled before dropping the next one. If your breasts are uncomfortable or your child is struggling, hold at that stage for longer.
  • Do not offer, do not refuse works well with older children. You stop suggesting feeds but say yes if asked. It often winds down on its own.
  • Substitute something else for the feed you have dropped. A drink and a snack, a story, a cuddle in the same chair. Much of what they are asking for is the closeness rather than the milk.

Looking after your breasts

  • Express only for comfort, never to empty. Take just enough off to relieve the pressure and then stop. Emptying tells your body to make more.
  • Cold compresses between feeds ease swelling.
  • Ibuprofen helps with both pain and inflammation.
  • A supportive, well fitting bra with no wire. Binding your breasts is old advice and it causes blocked ducts.
  • Check for lumps daily while you are dropping feeds. This is when blockages are most likely, and there is more in Blocked ducts.
  • Watch for feeling unwell. A fever with a sore breast needs the same day attention, and there is more in Engorgement and mastitis.

Cabbage leaves and sage tea come up often. There is little good evidence for either, and neither will do you harm.

If you have to stop suddenly

Sometimes there is no choice, because of medication, surgery, illness or something else entirely.

  • Express for comfort only, and reduce the amount you take off each time.
  • Cold, ibuprofen and a supportive bra, as above.
  • Check your breasts several times a day for firm, tender areas.
  • Get help early rather than waiting, because mastitis is much more likely when stopping abruptly.
  • If it is because of a medication, do check before you stop. A great many medicines are compatible with breastfeeding, and people are still told to stop unnecessarily. Your GP or pharmacist can check, and there are specialist services that advise on this.

What to expect in yourself

  • A dip in mood is very common as prolactin and oxytocin fall away, and it can arrive as sadness, irritability or tearfulness that seems out of proportion. It usually passes within a couple of weeks.
  • Grief, even when stopping was entirely your decision and you were ready.
  • Your periods returning, if they had not already.
  • Your breasts changing shape and feeling softer or smaller for a while. This settles over months.
  • Milk still being present for weeks or even months afterwards, which is normal.

If low mood does not lift, or was already there before you started weaning, please talk to your GP or health visitor. Stopping breastfeeding can unmask or worsen postnatal depression, and it is worth saying out loud rather than putting it down to hormones.

Speak to your GP if

  • You feel unwell with a fever and a tender breast
  • A lump does not settle, or is still there once the soreness has gone
  • Your mood is low and not lifting, or you are struggling to cope
  • You are stopping because of medication and have not had it checked

Call 999 or take your baby straight to A&E if your baby:

  • Is floppy or unresponsive
  • Will not wake for feeds
  • Is having trouble breathing, or their lips, tongue or gums look blue or grey
  • Has a sunken fontanelle
  • Is visibly jaundiced and unwell with it, for example floppy, hard to wake or not feeding. Yellowing shows most clearly in the whites of the eyes, the gums, and the palms and soles
  • Has dark urine or pale, chalky stools

How a consultation helps with stopping

People are sometimes surprised that I help with stopping as much as starting, but it is a proper piece of work. We build a plan that fits your timescale and your child's age, work out which feeds to drop and in what order, and make sure your breasts come down gently rather than ending up with mastitis in week two. If you are stopping because something is not working, it is also worth knowing whether it could be fixed, so that stopping is a decision rather than a surrender. And if it is a decision, you should be able to make it without anyone, including me, trying to talk you out of it.